Don't Fear the Challenges

To listen to a reading of this:
http://www.screencast.com/t/Rsy4qql3aw

           I’m sitting on the couch, laptop open, earbuds in, and microphone unmuted. With my husband working and my daughter not expected home from school for a couple hours, the house is silent. I’m in a virtual group meeting discussing a college assignment. The door opens and I turn to see my daughter burst in and go straight to her room. Right behind her is my former husband and his new wife. The sight of him puts me instantly on guard as memories fill my mind and anxiety floods my body. Recently, he took me to small claims court after having the summons delivered on my wedding day. Why is he in my house? He blurts out the details of our oldest sons suicide. I am in shock! Eventually, I compose myself enough to mute the microphone. I type into the chat, “I have to go. I just found out my son died.” The next few weeks are a blur, but I’m not devastated. Why? My recent past is helping me change my perspective on challenges.

            The divorce after a 29 year marriage, loss of financial security, moving to a smaller rental home in a new community, and loss of my local support system, were challenges that created immense fear in my life. I turned to the Lord, taking it one day at a time. The Lord showered me with compensating blessings and opened up unexpected opportunities. Friends treated me to a haircut, a ham for Christmas, and a $50 gift of cash that made a treasured Christmas tradition possible. Receiving attention from a much younger man at a singles dance restored some of my confidence. Affordable opportunities for college came for me and my two youngest daughters. Then, I met a man who quickly became my best friend. We connected on so many levels and he cared for me in a way I had never felt before. A few months later we were engaged and we married later in the year.

            Of all the challenges, the most devastating was the change in my relationship with my children. For 30 years, my dreams and my focus had centered on my family. I loved big family holiday meals and looked forward to spoiling my grandchildren. Every time I invited my children to a dinner or activity, they said “no.” My oldest son got mad at me at cut me out of his life. A couple months later the same happened with my oldest daughter. They didn’t explain their reasons. When I went on my honeymoon, I came home to discover another daughter had moved out of my home and in with her dad.  Again, there was no explanation or forewarning. I spent Thanksgiving alone and Christmas was only with my new husband. I never expected divorce to also mean losing my children. How do I find purpose in my life now?

            The same week I found out about my son’s death, the financing went through for the home my husband and I were buying. Once again I move and start over in building relationships. I get called as a ward missionary and embrace the sister missionaries as my own daughters. One particular teaching experience was eye opening for me as I was able to use my past painful experiences to connect with this older single woman. I began making friends with many other single women in the area. I realize how the Lord is using my most painful experiences to bless the lives of others. In loving and serving others, I find purpose. In three years, I have gone from divorce to happy marriage and from the death of my son to new life with many friends. My children are coming back to me and spending time with me. My ninth grandchild is on the way. The Lord has blessed me and I have greater faith in His making all challenges work for good. With new perspective, challenges have lost their frightening power. 

What It Means to be Educated

A writing assignment for my English class:

What It Means to be Educated

            I received a letter from my missionary daughter sharing her insights on how intelligence equals light. She talked about how Christ is the light of the world, God’s glory is so bright that we need to be transfigured to be in His presence, and that we are here on earth to gain knowledge or intelligence. Since intelligence equals light, then we are here on earth as “light just trying to grow brighter.” She concluded by saying, “Let your light so shine!” This concept is what I believe summarizes the purpose of education. Knowing the purpose of education is the first step in defining what it means to be educated. To be perfectly educated is to have the same light, knowledge, and intelligence as God.

            We cannot achieve a perfect education in this life, but we can strive to become the best we can be. Each one of us has different talents and abilities so our focus will be different. Because of those differences, an educated person will realize they need to rely on other peoples strengths and learn from them.  We also need to be willing to share what we are learning with others. No one of us will be able to have the needed knowledge alone. If we presume to be more educated than another to the point that we feel they have nothing of value to share with us, or if we feel we have nothing of value to share with others, then we are doing ourselves and others a disservice and blocking opportunities for each of us to further our education. Thomas G Plummer (1990), a BYU professor, addresses this issue in the article Diagnosing and Treating the Ophelia Syndrome. He gives us a treatment plan that will help us avoid this critical mistake in our education process. His suggestions include:

• ·         Seek out and learn from great teachers
• ·         Dare to know and trust yourself
• ·         Learn to live with uncertainty
• ·         Practice dialectical thinking
• ·         Foster idle thinking
• ·         Plan to step out of bounds

            Everybody Is Ignorant, Only on Different Subjects by Eliot A. Butler (1976)  is another great article defining education. He expresses many great thoughts which put into words some of my own views about education. His ideas include:

• ·         We need to be consciously, vigorously, and continually learning.
• ·         “There should be purpose and a sense of responsibility to the learning.”
• ·         “Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.”
• ·         “The educated person will have increased capacity for living amidst some ambiguity, without losing faith in God or man.”
• ·         “To be educated will enrich one’s life and increase one’s joy –and joy is the reason that humans are. To be educated will increase one’s humanness and one’s respect and love for God’s offspring –and such love is the second great commandment. To be educated will enlarge one’s capacity to serve one’s neighbor.”

Butler also addresses the degradation of language and the difficulty of having enough competence in the language to both say it well and understand what is being said. I have had my own struggles with trying to pass on knowledge to my children and others and them misunderstanding to the point of completely twisting and distorting my original meaning. It is a frustrating experience. It makes communication difficult when there are language barriers and the same word has different meanings to different people.

            To help bridge those gaps of misunderstanding and truly become educated in a way that brings us closer to the knowledge of God, requires the presence of the Holy Ghost and learning by faith. Elder Bednar (2007) tells us, “An answer we discover or obtain through the exercise of faith, typically, is retained for a lifetime. The most important learnings of life are caught—not taught.” Learning by faith requires a different set of skills than the typical education process. The Holy Ghost is part of the process. Being worthy, asking in prayer, listening for the direction of the spirit, stepping out of our comfort zone to do, trusting in God’s timing, serving others, and expressing gratitude are all part of the process.

            Education is a continual process bringing us ever and ever closer to the knowledge of God. It requires an individual as well as a group effort. Each individual has to put in their best effort and then the group provides a synergistic dynamic as they teach and learn from each other. By the nature of the goal of education, not all knowledge is of equal value. It must be focused on those things that will bring more value to our life, to the world around us, and draw us closer to God. The only way to bridge the gap between the knowledge we can attain in this world and the needed eternal knowledge is by faith. The Holy Ghost is our greatest teacher and our greatest learning experiences come when the Holy Ghost is added to our group. Let us shine our individual lights and work to make them brighter and brighter every day!

References

Bed,    Bednar, D. A. (2007, September). Seek learning by faith. Ensign. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

Butl    Butler, E. (1976, September 14). Everybody is Ignorant, Only on Different Subjects. Brigham Young University. Retrieved from https://byui.app.box.com/embed/l16mrtp5sptz9tv.swf

Plu      Plummer, T. G. (1990, April 5). Diagnosing and treating the Ophelia syndrome. Brigham Young Unniversity.

The Quilt Block

          It is the dark of winter, the holiday season which for me symbolizes family and love, but not this year. My divorce is almost final and it feels like I am also losing my children in the process. By necessity, I have just moved to a much smaller home in a new area. The loneliness is unbearable. I check the mailbox, not really expecting anything. There is a handwritten personal letter from my Aunt Glenna. My heart skips a beat as it is flooded with the memories and love.

I have always thought of Aunt Glenna as my second mom. She has two older sons, but when I would go to stay with her for a week at a time, she gave me her undivided attention and I felt like an only child. Undivided attention is a big thing for an oldest child of ten children.  When I think of Aunt Glenna, the first thing that comes to mind is the incredible food, including Crazy Crunch Carmel Popcorn on the 4^th of July and her famous cinnamon rolls. One week, while I stayed with her, she taught me how to make those delicious cinnamon rolls. I watched and helped as she scalded the milk, prepared the yeast, mixed the ingredients, kneaded the dough and added just enough flour to get it to the perfect consistency. Then we let it rest and rise. When it was ready, we rolled it into a rectangle, sprinkled it with delicious toppings, rolled it up, cut it with a string and waited for it to rise again before we baked it. She taught me many things. She was also one of my favorite teachers at church and now I appreciate the example she set by faithfully attending church every single week and dutifully caring for and loving her non-member husband and sons. I don’t remember them ever attending church with her.

            As the memories flooded my mind, I opened the letter quickly. I expected her to join me in my pity party and give me sympathy. Instead, I saw a six-inch square appliqué quilt block. It was white with a pink flower in the middle and green leaves. I read the letter of explanation. As my Aunt Glenna was going through a box of stuff she inherited from her mom, my grandma, she found the quilt blocks. She decided to send a block to each one of the granddaughters. We were to add to the block, send it back to her and she would finish the quilt. When the quilt was finished, she would draw names from all those who worked on it to determine who would get the quilt.

            I put the letter aside. I didn’t have time to work on the quilt block right then. Little did I know, the magic of the quilt block was already starting to work. It evoked memories of sitting around a quilt with Mom, Grandma, Aunt Glenna, and other women. The multi-generational group of women each put in their hand stitches of love. Some of the stitches were more perfect than others. We talked of children, husbands, our latest projects, the gospel, and life in general. I remember as a young girl how grown-up I felt to be included with the group of women working on the quilt. After I was married, I joined in Relief Society quilting projects. In recent years, I have taken a quilt top home when I go to visit and enlisted the help of my mother, my sisters, my Aunt Glenna, and my own daughters to do the quilting.

             I start creating in my mind how I will add to the quilt block from the letter. I love the color combination of pink and green. I go to my scraps of fabric and pull out a matching plain pink and a green with pink print. I place the fabric scraps with the quilt block and the letter so I can work on it when I have time.

            As I think about the quilt block, I realize this is one last chance to work on a quilt with my grandma. Memories swirl in my mind. I walk into Grandma Stott’s house to the smell of fresh-baked bread. There is a candy dish with pink peppermints on the counter that is a special treat for her grandchildren. Grandma sits in her chair appliquéing a quilt block. She has made quilts for each one of her grandchildren in their favorite color for a wedding or graduation present. When I was a child, on those days that I felt unloved or neglected at home, I would walk to Grandma’s house and her door was always open. She would surround me with her loving arms, talk to me, play a few games with me and then send me on my way home again. By the time I went to high school, Grandma had moved into town making it possible for all the grandchildren to gather at her house between school and mutual. Every Tuesday evening she would feed us dinner before we left for mutual.

            As I work on the quilt block, I think of other quilts. There is the quilt my mom has on her bed made by her ten adult children. Each one of us designed a quilt block that symbolized our family and represented our spouses and children. The creativity and variety represent the posterity she has greatly influenced and is our gift of love and appreciation.

             I have carried on the quilting tradition by making baby quilts for each of my grandchildren to start their life wrapped in my love. Each quilt is a personal representation for that child and a work of art. Some start with a special request from their parents. Just before the birth of her daughter, my daughter-in-law, Jaspenelle, had a dream of her baby girl wrapped in the wings of a giant Luna Moth. Jaspenelle’s spirituality and practice of beliefs is very symbolic. She has influenced me to pay more attention to the symbolism in my own faith which has deeply enriched my understanding. She gave me a picture of the moth and asked if I could make a quilt like it. I welcomed the creative challenge.

            As I ponder on the initial disappointment I felt as I opened the letter and saw the quilt block, I realize that my Aunt Glenna gave to me just what I needed at that time in my life. She pulled me out of wallowing in self-pity by giving me an opportunity to do service, be creative, and feel surrounded and comforted by many memories of loving, nurturing women who have had a great influence on my life.

Although the finished quilt didn’t get awarded to me, I was glad to be a part of it. It was given to the oldest granddaughter. Here is a picture of the finished quilt

 

and a picture of the Luna Moth quilt I made for my granddaughter.

The Quilt - A statement of belief

This I Believe

I believe every single individual in my life has something of value I can learn from them. This influences how I interact with others. I look for the gift a person brings into my life and thus rarely see the negative things about them. Not seeing the negative has caused pain in my life as some people have taken advantage of me, but the occasional hurt is worth the risk. With time and experience, I developed boundaries to protect myself. Yet, because I value the gift I know each person can contribute to my life, I go out of my way not to put up the walls that could shut them out. As a result, I developed valuable friendships with some people I saw many others shun. As I listened to the heartaches, life experiences, and lessons learned from those whom others have cut out of their lives, they taught me some of my greatest treasures of wisdom. It gives me a greater ability to feel compassion, love, forgiveness, and to not take offense easily.

 I don’t know when this first became so important to me. In grade school I watched as others were picked on and I would go out of my way to show them I was their friend. One girl in particular was shunned because she was heavier than the rest of us. I made her a quilt for our eighth grade graduation. After high school, I lost touch with her. Then one year, out of the blue, she called me for my birthday. Her phone call lifted my spirits on a rough day. About a year ago, we connected on Facebook. Shortly after we connected, she came for a visit. She talked about the quilt I made for her and how she still has it and how much she values it. There are many ways the current life of this remarkable woman influences mine for the better.

Climbing the Cliff- Childhood memory

On a warm summer afternoon, my parents took us for a picnic in the nearby Blackleaf Canyon. After we ate, we went for a walk to see the mountain views. The daunting rock cliff loomed before us. I wanted to climb to the top and see the view from there.  My older male cousins climbed to the top and challenged us to join them. I knew going up would be easier than coming down. They assured us of an easier way down on the other side. I studied the route I had seen them take up the wall of the cliff and determined places where I could put my hands and feet. I started to climb the easy path, but it quickly became a challenge. I stopped and looked for the passable route. A jutted rock worked for a place to put my foot while I grabbed a branch to pull myself up. I slowly picked my way up the rock cliff.

The calls of encouragement from above also included the advice to not look down. I didn’t listen and looked down and saw how far I had come. I knew at that moment there was no turning back and no going down. I loved the feeling of mastering the mountain. The challenge intensified and for a few minutes I thought I was stuck.  I eventually saw a way I could reposition my body and continue my ascent.  The crevice in the jagged rocks then provided plenty of secure placements, making the way easier, and before long I had reached the top. I enjoyed the exhilaration of the victory and the panoramic view. My parents down below looked like miniature versions of their former selves.

 As I looked down, I saw my younger sister climbing up the cliff. She struggled to find a way and got scared. She reached the challenging spot and stopped. Terrified and stuck, she couldn’t go on. The fear hit me and I felt responsible for the predicament she was in. She wanted to go back down, but I knew she wouldn’t make it. She refused to even try to continue. I knew she couldn’t hold on forever. Somehow I had to get her to continue upward. I knew if she could just get past that spot then the rest of the way she wouldn’t have a problem. I assured her that was the hardest spot and finally got her to calm down enough to listen to me. Flat on the ground, hanging partially over the edge of the cliff, I pointed to each rock and told her to put her foot there and grab that rock with her hand, then pull herself up. With a lot of coaching and encouragement, she finally made her way to the top and collapsed in tears. I don’t know that she ever looked at the view.

Digital Learning will Transform Mainstream Education

Imagine a school where each child has a curriculum plan adapted to their individual needs, can progress at their own pace, and will graduate having learned all the core concepts needed for whatever they choose to do in life. Visualize a school where parents know what their child is learning, can see the work their child has done, can give feedback and help where needed, and can easily communicate and collaborate with the teacher. Dream of a school where the teacher has access to unlimited resources and updated curriculum to ignite the minds of individual students, where progress for each individual student can be monitored easily and help can be focused where it is needed. Now imagine that school available to every child no matter where they live or their economic status. We look at our current educational system with all its faults and think, it is impossible. Maybe some children can have that type of school, but it will never be possible for all children. That “vision of an education” can become a reality for all children by understanding the benefits and properly implementing “digital learning” in our mainstream schools.

What is digital learning? Digital learning is using technology to transform how teachers teach and how students learn. According to Digital Textbook Playbook, hereafter referred to as DTP, students learn thirty to eighty percent faster using technology. An example of that in my own life would be using my Kindle to read a book. Anytime I come across a word I don’t understand, I can click on it and get the definition right then and increase my comprehension of the text. Other examples of technology being used to facilitate learning would be online lessons that have links to:

·         interactive games

·         videos that show people, places, things, science experiments, etc.

·         questions to be answered as you read along

·         audible pronunciations and definitions of new words

·         quizzes

·         additional resource links for further study

Teachers have access to monitor how students are progressing through the lessons, online chalkboards that the student could save for future reference, and collaboration with many other teachers to share the best resources and ideas. Collaboration with others helps to solve one of the problems of transitioning to digital learning.

Anytime there is a change of this magnitude, there are all kinds of problems. Most people would rather use what is familiar even if it is ineffective. Administrators, teachers, and parents need to catch the vision before they will be motivated to change. Only then can the real problems, of implementing digital learning into the mainstream schools, be addressed. Some of those major problems would include, teacher training, transition costs, and internet safety issues.

What a tragedy it would be if administrators spent money to put all the necessary technology into place only to have it barely used because the teachers did not know how to implement the changes effectively. Teachers, most of all, need to catch the vision of the potential of digital learning for their students. Teachers need to be trained on how to use the technology. In many cases the students will probably master the technology before the teachers. One of the most crucial changes is learning how to facilitate the classroom to allow each student to progress at their own pace. Digital learning makes it possible to change the classroom so the learning conforms to the individual and becomes mastery based rather than grade oriented. Being aware of the resources and taking advantage of collaboration with other teachers will maximize those changes exponentially.

Administrators and lawmakers need to support teachers in focusing on mastery based learning. Funding will be one of their biggest concerns. All students will need to have their own digital devices like a tablet, laptop, or some other comparable device. They will also need to have access to the internet and enough supporting bandwidth to run all those devices efficiently. Transitions cost money, but understanding the cost benefits of digital learning will help convince administrators to make that investment. One example of the cost benefits of digital learning is the savings of textbook expense. According to DTP, using the digital textbook will save about $600 per student per year. There are several options for helping with the transition costs  listed in the DTP. One option is to have the students bring their own device.

Some concerns with having the student bring their own device are the potential incompatibility across the various devices, internet safety issues, and emphasizing economic inequality amongst the students.  If the school purchases the devices, all students have the same access and safety issues could be handled by password protection and not allowing access to unsafe internet content. Those are issues that will have to be discussed and decided by each school administration in the transition.

Making the transition to digital learning in the mainstream schools is not without challenges, but it is possible. Parents who have the time and are motivated can have that “vision of an education” for their children now and most of the time for no additional out of pocket cost. All our children deserve that same opportunity. We need to take action to have digital learning available in our mainstream schools. It starts with sharing the vision and letting teachers, administrators, and lawmakers know how to make it happen. Imagine every child graduating high school with the core knowledge they need for a productive future!

List of resources:

Digital Textbook Playbook   All the pertinent information for transition collected in one document

K12.com  An innovative company actively engaged in making the best curriculum available to schools and individuals

ProjectRED  A place for teachers and schools to collaborate and find resources 

Get Government Out of Marriage

Get Government Out of Marriage

As a possible solution to the definition of marriage/gay marriage controversy, I propose to get government out of marriage altogether. It is an opinion that can be agreed upon by some of those on both sides of the argument. The legal purpose of government being involved in marriage is so far distorted from the protections originally intended that the purpose is obsolete. The numerous laws that would be affected by the change are already being disputed and changed by the original controversy. Domestic partnership and civil rights laws would still provide the lawyers plenty of work and income. It would get rid of the illusions implied by the legal marriage certificate and allow others, such as religious leaders and those invested in helping innocent children and women, to come up with solutions to help. It would preserve the sanctity of marriage and religious freedoms as another separation of religion/state.

Why should there be special privileges just because two people love each other and commit their life to each other? A big part of the commitment in marriage is for the sake of the children who might be born as part of that union. Optimal care for children requires sacrifice from both the mother and the father. One of those sacrifices could be the primary caretaker of the child becoming financially dependent on the other parent in order to provide the time that child needs. To take that risk requires trust and commitment. The legal marriage certificate has, in the past, provided enforcement in default of that commitment of financial obligation. Government was willing to back that up because investing in children gave them more power. Children are no longer as important to the strength of the governing forces, so government concern is only a moral responsibility. The moral responsibility comes in a government by the people and for the people.

One of the arguments for keeping government involved in marriage is for tax breaks.  Those tax breaks were one of the incentives used to help protect the rights of the children that are cared for in a marriage/family situation. So many children in our society today do not have parents who are married. We need to restructure the tax breaks so they once again connect with their primary intended purpose. As previously mentioned, it takes a lot of time and financial sacrifices to care for children. The tax breaks need to go to those who invest their time in that purpose. If it is an extended period of time, then the tax breaks need to continue even after the children are grown because of the lost career and financial opportunities.

Another disagreement presented for keeping government in marriage is to preserve the sanctity of marriage. Why should government have anything to do with the sanctity of marriage? For me, my marriage covenants are very important and sacred, but that comes from my religious beliefs and has nothing to do with the marriage license. I used to assume that marriage meant the same to everyone else as it does to me. I have come to understand that marriage means different things to different people. The way we feel about marriage is more about our beliefs than it is about any government sanctions. If we turn back to the constitution and look at the original purpose of separation of church and state, then the way we individually define marriage in our society today comes more under the category of church than state.  The legal conflicts that appear more and more with our diverse opinions on marriage are the very type of conflicts that having separation of church and state are meant to prevent.  Our current marriage definition conflict is ultimately a debate between civil rights and religious freedoms.  Removing government from marriage is a solution that could resolve those issues and would allow for that diversity of opinion and preserve the sanctity of marriage.

I would propose that one of the biggest detriments to changing the role of government in marriage is all the laws it would impact.  Hundreds, if not thousands of laws might be affected. The impact on those laws and how they might affect our religious freedoms is one of the major debate points in the definition of marriage debate. Those laws currently are being challenged in the courts. By introducing the alternative of getting government out of marriage, in each one of those situations, it could help retain our religious freedoms and also protect those civil rights. This would be the time to tweak the laws to reflect the change that has come to our society.

An additional benefit that could come in getting government out of marriage would be in getting rid of the illusion of financial protection that marriage certificate now holds for many of us. Unless you have been through a divorce, someone close to you has gone through a divorce, or you are involved in the system, you may not realize the detriment that current divorce laws bring, especially to the women and children involved. With no-fault divorce and the ease of getting a divorce, the protections we once thought were there are no longer available. Getting rid of the illusion that comes with the legal marriage certificate would encourage many of those who could be helpful to children and their caretakers to find viable solutions and stop some of the suffering.

Our society is changing. We need to stop butting heads in an unresolvable conflict. Become aware of the real issues. As the debate continues, step up and be a voice for change with a real solution that could meet everyone’s needs. The change will not be easy or quick. It will require many voices of reason to counteract the emotional reactions of the masses. Here are some links that discuss and inform on many of the things I only briefly addressed in this essay:

A letter from religious leaders addressing the marriage debate and religious freedoms

Blog on purpose of marriage

Separation of church and state

An example of one legal conflict

One debate between friends from opposite views on the definition of marriage